User Profile

about me. My name is Brittany, I am sixteen years old, and I reside in the boring pits of the earth that is known by the common folk as the state of--- drumroll please- INDIANA! -eyeroll-. My goal is when I get older to leave this place and move out of the country! I want to see all of the world that's around me, and experience everything I wish before I die. I am a sophomore in high school, and look forward to when the time for graduation comes!

My favorite subject at school is English/Journalism, and my least favorite is math. I have issues with math that are beyond the imagination. Someone can explain to me how to do the problem, and the moment they leave I lose all of the information. I can't comprehend/ understand it! Which is why I fail math, and why ultimately I will have to get a waiver in order to graduate since the math isn't going to be something I can ever retain. I make average grades, and my resoultion is to make those grades semi-perfect. But math always gets in the way of that goal, it's the only way that throws me off.

My family is very small, and very distanced from each other. We all keep to ourselves.I'm anti-social when it comes to school, and don't have any friends at school, but I did at my old school. I'm a very shy person, and have bouts of depression, and mood swings, mine isn't teenage angst though, I am filled with genuine sadness and a deep sense of mourning. The reason I can't retain math or be more social, and be more happy is the result of a lack of a seratonin and a chemical imbalance.

For the past two years I have lived with a distorted body image, a lack of self esteem, and a hate for myself. I have distorted eating, and fall prey to anorexia very often. Most people say to me, why do you want to kill yourself? It's not that I want to, this "illness'" is deeply rooted and alot more complex than that. Anorexics don't set out to kill themselves, regardless if you believe that or not. It starts out as a simple restriction diet, then the distorted mind frame gets inside your body and controls you, forcing , you LOUDLY with a voice it feels like, to starve yourself. It's hard getting the feelings to go away, and no matter how thin people may see you as, you will still always feel fat. This is my lifestory.

I have been through counseling off and on since the eighth grade, but it doesn't help.. Why? Because I'm resisting the help, you have to want the help, and I'm not ready for it yet. I am a christian and I feel no shame in admitting so, I was raised in a church atmosphere my whole life by my Grandpa and it's what I know and what I feel/ believe. I am very passionate about my faith, and want to someday share this with others, by becoming a youth minister.

Another thing that I feel passionate about is writing, my dream is to become a novelist, I have written three books, A silent suicide, Ethereal, and Inexplicable all of the horror genre. I have always been a writer, and very lengthy at that It's gotten me in trouble with assignments though for over writing what is needed. ;X

Some words that describe me are, random, I find the oddest things funny and ask bizzare things that you could never imagine anyone to even think of! Emotional. Sensitive, sometimes even over sensitive! Pessimistic. Insane. Opinionated. Thoughtful. Withdrawn. Odd. Dark. Bubbly. Sarcastic. A Dreamer.

I have alot of dreams and goals in my life and it's what makes the ride of life morth worthwhile.

I will accomplish them!!

I am complex person, and have many different things that describes/ explains me, I find myself indescribable if you get down to the nitty gritty of it.

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